I honestly don't know where to start. I am 28 yrs old and on the 28th of August lost my soul mate and best friend, my wonderful husband Doug.
Doug was only 24 yrs old, and the most precious man I had ever met. We had only been married 2yrs - on the 5th of August this year. Up until the 21st of August our lives together had been perfect. We had just brought a beautiful home together and a brand new car. Doug worked very hard always to ensure that our little family (Doug, myself and my daughter Elijah) never went without. We had a dream. We were going to get Elijah through school and then after paying off our house, purchase a bed and breakfast and retire in a beautiful part of Australia stress free.
I knew when we first came together Doug had in the past suffered from a brain Aneurysm when he was 17 and high blood pressure, his parents noticed his tiredness and the drooping on one side of his face and sought medical attention. Doug was then treated and basically lived to tell the story of how he got the huge scar down the side of his head.
Never in the whole time when we were together did I think for one moment that this thing called an aneurysm would ever in any way effect us, it was just something that had happened when he was young, before my time with him.
Doug was a fit, healthy young man. In March this year Doug had been working out of town for about a year (2 wks on - 1 week off) at a mining camp. He was getting fed up with being away from us and decided to tell the Doctor he was suffering from headaches, so to get some time off work. Doug knew that having had an aneurysm previously he would be believed, hence he got 1 week off work. The Doctor also wanted Doug to get a CAT scan done. We went and got that straight away. The results came back fine (like we knew they would!) The Doctor also wanted Doug to go and get an MRI done - due to his past history. We decided not to have this done (we would have had to travel for 10 hours, to the nearest place to have this performed). If for one minute we had have thought that Doug was anything but fit and healthy, we would have been gone that very second. Till this day, I don't even know now if us having gone for the MRI would have made any difference to Doug passing away 5 months later. So if anyone can help me out with that it would be fantastic.
So life for us was perfect for the next 5 months, neither of us ever giving a second thought about anything to do with MRI'S, aneurysms or CAT scans. On the Sunday before the Tuesday Doug fell sick he was riding his motorbike and landscaping our backyard! On the Tuesday I got a call from Doug's friend at work telling me Doug was "bad" and an ambulance was on it's way to work to pick up Doug. I learnt later that he'd been working on a big machine, simply stood up and then proceeded to walk outside holding his head. Doug was dribbling from one side of his mouth, his eyes were glazed over and his friends said he was unresponsive to anything.
By that night Doug and I had both been flown out of town to the nearest city equipped to deal with our situation. From what I can understand and remember Doug had an Aneurysm that had 'leaked'. When we arrived they stabilised him and proceeded to operate and remove the clot. They couldn't clip the aneurysm until Doug's swelling in his brain had started to go down. They had planned to operate in 1-2 days but that wasn't to happen.
For nearly 2 weeks we lived in the hospital with Doug on life support. He was totally unresponsive except for moving his left side to grab at a tube or in response to a nurse rolling her pen over his fingernails and toes, to see if he would respond. Basically we were just praying for the swelling in his brain to go down so they could operate but it just kept getting worse. They eventually told me there was no more they could do for my husband, medically. Everyday was a roller coaster ride - praying for a miracle. I remember telling a male nurse how much Doug was loved and adored, and he smiled and said, "unfortunately how much someone is loved, doesn't come in to play in this situation".
I knew things were really bad when every day our family was getting taken into a room to be told that the outcome was bleak. If Doug did survive, no one could guess at how much damage he had received, the fact he wasn't using his right side was a concern, the fact they could not control the swelling in his brain was a huge issue, and the chance of the aneurysm bleeding again was a huge, huge factor.
So the worst then happened - the aneurysm burst. I knew then that that was the end of our road. We had no other options left to us. Basically we were told that any hope of Doug living a fulfilling life from that point was hopeless. It is still so very hard to wrap my mind around the whole ordeal. Watching that beautiful man lay there, still looking like Doug and feeling like Doug, but knowing that it was no longer Doug. Through it all I kept saying that I didn't care if he could never move again. I just wanted him to be able to recognize me and feel my love for him. Together we could get through anything, including this. The amount of times we talked and told each other that if either of us was ever hurt that we were never to leave each other laying like that, unable to move, talk or know each other. I had to remember and play those conversations over in my head to make the decision and know it would have been what Doug would have wanted.
It took 3 short hours after the life support had been turned off for Doug to leave me. During that precious time I got to love and hold him, I could not get anywhere near close enough to him. I wanted to crawl inside him. After, the wonderful staff at the hospital let me wash and shave my husband and just lay with him for as long as I wanted. These memories now I hold so very precious.
Now I am finding everything so hard. At first I just didn't want to live, I just wanted to be with Doug, and still just do. I feel like I have no choice but to keep on plodding along, and I so don't want to.
On top of loosing my husband I now have to wait to see if they will pay out his Life Insurance. The fact he had gone to a Doctor about the headaches in March may be a huge issue, because he didn't get an MRI. Iam so worried they wont pay it out, which would mean I will loose our house we both worked so very hard for. He did get two medicals done for work after the headache issue and both Doctors said he was "young, fit and healthy". I just have to hope that a small miracle comes my way and I don't loose my house. I really don't know what will happen if I am to loose that as well. I think in someways it will just be my very last straw.
I don't know how many people will read this story, I know it's probably too long and drawn out! But I grateful to have had the chance to write it. There is no lesson I wanted people to learn from this story, I just simply wanted to let people know what had happened to my husband and I, and how much I loved him.
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