Hi, my name is Tracy Schmidt. My life was forever changed on Sunday Jan. 31st 1999. The day started like any other day. My fiancé (Chris Miller) and I woke up around 10:00am. I gave him a kiss and went to go make him coffee.
This time in our relationship was alittle stressful because two days before, we discovered we were pregnant. He already had a daughter from a previous relationship. Also, Chris had just lost his job and was worried about the financial responsibility of having another baby.
I left our house to get the Sunday paper (like I always did). When I came home he was fine. I gave him his cup of coffee and a section out of the newspaper, then he went to the bathroom.
He was only in there a few minutes when I heard him fall into the tub. I called for him and he did not answer. Then I heard another loud banging sound and knew something was terribly wrong. I rushed into the bathroom and what I saw still haunts me today.
Chris had suffered a massive aneurysm. His body was half in the tub and he was having violent convulsions. He was unconsious and his breathing was irregular and hard. I screamed for him and tried to lift him, but failed. I ran to the phone to call 911. As I was trying to tell them what was happening I could still hear him moving around, but a few seconds later he stopped. I dropped the phone and ran to him. Chris had stopped breathing. His neck looked like it was in a bad position so I tried to lift him out of the tub but he was a very muscular and tall so he was heavy. I tried 10 times at least and I couldn't lift him. I thought to myself that if I could lift him he would be ok, that he would start breathing again. Finally with all my strength I got him out. But by this time his face had already changed color and I knew that I was losing him.
When I started CPR, the ambulance arrived and took over. He died the next morning in the hospital. He was only 26 years old. Two weeks after his funeral, I miscarried our baby.
I relive those events over and over again in my mind and in my dreams. Sometimes it drives me crazy. Other times I'm just numb. After reading some stories of other people suffering misfortune from aneurysms I don't feel alone anymore. Thank you for your stories.
I love Chris very much and will miss him every day for the rest of my life.
Update 26 Aug 2000
It has been alittle while since I have written my narrative and I would just like to say thank you for all the support I have received. I have even made a few new friends that have helped me in my grief of losing Chris. It is still a daily struggle sometimes to stop my mind from drifting back to that morning and what happened.
When I wrote my narrative I left out some things because I didn't want to go into all the bad details of what I saw. Maybe I do that too much and that is why I am still struggling with it. Some people have suggested I go to therapy and now I think I am ready to face my grief. I'm tired of being scared of everything. Sometimes I walk around and look at people and think to myself if they only knew how fragile the human body is. Life is so short.
When I first met Chris he was slowly dying, everyday his aneurysm was getting bigger and bigger and I had no idea how tragic the outcome would be. My only comfort in his passing is that I kept him alive long enough for him to donate his organs. He saved the lives of 4 people. If I had gone somewhere else that day and took longer he would have died in our bathroom alone. He would not have been able to donate his organs. Four people would have possibly lost thier lives too.
Even though sometimes I wish I wouldn't have been there and had to witness what I did, the only thing that keeps me going is that maybe in my own way I saved the lives of four people too. Chris and I did it together like we always did. We were together till the end. That is the way I like to think of it.
I want to start healing now.
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