I lost my mom on March 21, 1990. I was sixteen years old. I woke up and was getting ready for school in New Mexico (my mother lived in Virginia) when I received a phone call from one of my mom's friends saying there had been an accident. I was very confused and thought they meant an auto accident. My mom's friend talked to my dad and told him to get me on the first flight he could to Virginia. I had no idea what was going on. I thought I would arrive in Virginia and my mom would be sitting up in bed. I bargained a lot with God on the plane flight there.
When I arrived at the airport, my mom's friends were there to greet me and take me to the hospital. When I arrived at the hospital I was able to see the doctor and was informed she had a brain aneurysm that ruptured but there was nothing that could be done because it occurred on her brain stem. Her brain had already begun to swell and it was only the machines keeping her alive. I went into the room and talked to my mother. She looked very peaceful. I was able to tell her all of the things I wanted to and I am very confident that she heard me. It was very late at night and the doctor decided to give me until the morning to make a decision.
I went to my mom's place that night and just lay in bed and cry for her. It was so strange to see all her things how she had left them that morning before she had collapsed at work. Her towels were still slightly damp from her shower that morning, her brush lay haphazardly on the floor with pieces of her hair. There was a card on her nightstand that I had sent her.
The next morning proved that nothing of her condition had changed and there really was no hope. I gave the ok to unhook her machines. It was very strange for me because I was so young and I was in shock and don't remember but bits and pieces. I remember mostly feeling that as long as I had lived and breathed on this earth that I had never experienced life without my mother. I couldn't imagine how I was going to do that.
It was really only my relationship with God that saw me through that time. Looking back I realize how many gifts God gave me in her final days. I spoke to my mom four days before she died. She was on her way to a St. Patrick's Day party. She was very emotional and telling me how much she loved me. I was to see her for Spring Break in just 11 days and she said how excited she was that I was coming. She then proceeded to read me a poem that she wrote about my life. The poem was about the day I was born being the happiest day of her life and how she'd been privileged to see me grow into a young woman. She wrote something about each year of my life and memories she had. I remember it made me cry. I never found that poem in her belongings. Did she recite that from memory? I'd never known my mom to write poetry before. I'll never know the answers.
In our last conversation she also mentioned how she had been thinking about my great grandma Ruby a lot (my dad's grandma). They had been very close and my mom had loved her very much. I wonder if on some level my mother sensed her own death? I just know that when she got to Heaven that my grandma Ruby was definitely there to greet her.
My mom also loved the cherry blossoms in Washington D.C. in the spring. When I received her purse and her belongings from the hospital, there was a roll of film ready to be developed. The entire roll was of the cherry blossoms and some special ones of her in front of them, just days before her death. The cherry blossom blooms don't last very long but their beauty is undescribable, just like my mom and her life.
Another small gift was when I received the clothes that my mom was wearing when she collapsed and was taken to the hospital. She had been wearing a shirt I gave her on our last Christmas together. And she had been wearing a gold butterfly necklace to which I have a matching silver one. I buried her with the necklace. I just know how much she loved me and how much I was in her thoughts.
I know that in her life, my mom had frequent and horrible headaches. I didn't know her to be sick in her final days but perhaps she had one of her headaches and didn't tell us because she had them so often.
It has now been 11 years since my mom died and I'm 28 years old. She is never far from me. I'm glad I found this site. Next week I am going to get an MRA test done to detect if I have any aneurysms. My life is going well and I feel happy so I am scared of the answers but I know I must proceed. I know they're hereditary and my mom's brother died of an aneurysm two years after she died.
I hope and pray I'm ok and I trust that God will help me deal with the answers! I know my mom is with me and maybe her death will save my life.
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