My name is Camellia Gray and I used to always be afraid of death. I started having that feeling around 10 years ago. I was scared to turn 30 years old because I thought that I would not make it past my 30 years of living. My mother died 2 weeks after her 65th birthday, and that was what I always thought, that she would not make it past 65 years old.
I am an Inuvialuit and have always been healthy. I have a wonderful supportive husband, Sean, and two extremely lovely children, Carley who is 8 years old and Lance who is 5. I come from small modern community in the Arctic. A highway leads to our town and a few airline companies serve this region. We have two flights arriving daily from the southern cities.
You know I had not known or even heard of aneurysms before I had an aneurysm. I suffered from headaches every day of the week. I used to think that the headaches were from my cigarette smoking. I smoked about 3/4 of a package a day. That is a lot. After my first surgery I told the doctor that I always had headaches, he said if you constantly have headaches like that it could be very serious and should consult with a doctor. I wished I knew that earlier. But I talk to people today who suffer from similar things. I have read and still read about aneurysm patients, stories, neurosurgery, different aneurysms that one can have, etc.
The morning of July 22, 1995, my rupture happened. I was helping my good friend, Rosalie, bring some boxes to my vehicle. We were going to have a garage sale that afternoon. I had walked up and down a number of stairs about 8 times. I was putting a box in the back seat of my truck when all of sudden I got dizzy. I shook my head and tried to see properly. Then I collapsed. I remember trying to stand up and straighten myself out, but I was too dizzy. Rosalie ran down the stairs when she saw me lying on the side of the road. At that time I managed to get up and staggered to the stairs. My friend got her things in the truck right away and drove me to the hospital.
Once inside the nurse and the 'on call' doctor did not know what had happened to me. Rosalie came to me when I was alone and said that she thought I might be having a stroke. You see, she was studying to be a radiologist. They didn't ask my friend about me or the situation I was in. They asked me everything. Rosalie called my husband and told him what she thought was happening. He rushed over and soon enough they admitted me into the hospital. Meantime, I was throwing up constantly and asking whoever was with me to push my forehead down because my head ached so much. While I was resting the staff at the hospital made a decision to medivac me to the nearest city as soon as possible. They had scheduled the flight to leave before 6:00pm that evening. Sean and our children came to say good bye to me. I remember trying not to cry around my children because they were confused enough. When Sean and I were alone we both cried. I was scared and feared what I had to face.
I used to be so afraid of flying. I didn't like planes. You know one of the pilots for that medivac flight used to be in one of my college classes. He knew that I feared airplane rides. The weather in my community was good, as well as in the other community where we stopped to fuel up. Once we traveled on to the city there were thunderstorms, lightning, lots of wet weather and even hailstones. I heard all of this from the nurse and doctor. I remember hearing the doctor saying to the nurse that her husband would be flying in to our community from the south tomorrow, and that she may not see him. I suppose the doctor was thinking that our flight would not make it safely. When we did land, the nurse said "Thank you pilots for landing this aircraft safely and the only person who was sick was Camellia." I took that to mean from the turbulent ride.
We arrived before midnight. The doctors and nurses couldn't believe I could communicate as well as I did. I was even able to tell them about my different surgeries that I had had. They had done a CAT scan that night and arranged to do an angiogram the following morning. At that time I said I wanted to call my husband to be with me. The next day his flight would be arranged. After the examination, they explained they had found one ruptured aneurysm on the left side of my brain. Once they found this they said they would look on the other side of my brain. I asked why, and they told me when you have one there is a chance there will be more in the brain. Sure enough they found another on the right side of my brain. I was even more scared.
Throughout the whole time, I would go in to spurts of just screaming with pain and confusion. I was so scared and feared just being alone, and no one knew how to take this pain away. I remember talking to my best friend Karen and I just cried and was so scared. Once the neurosurgeon arrived he told me what was going to happen and that I should sign for the operation procedures. I didn't want to, not knowing what was really going to happen. He was so patient and cared about the situation and explained it so well to me that I signed. On Monday morning they started the operation and my husband was on his way and would arrive before noon. The surgery took several hours. Sean hardly ever talks about what he saw when I came out of surgery; he just mentions how hard it was for him to see me in that situation. My memory of this time now is so foggy. Out of the first ten days I would say that I remember a whole five minutes. To this day I still remember different things that I ask my husband about. He explains it to me then. He doesn't really talk about the whole situation much. I do respect his feelings about that time.
I suffered from a spasm after my surgery, which led me into intensive care for ten days. I managed to remember things throughout these days. In the hospital, I started playing cribbage with my husband and doing crossword puzzle games when I was alone. Soon I was asking for magazines and comic books. I just really wanted to go home. And the only way I could go home was when I was better. So I often fought myself to do things alone.
This whole thing happened two and half weeks before my 31st birthday. My birthday is on August 7, and I was taken out of intensive care on August 6th. I was so happy and looking forward to turning 31. When the day finally came, the doctor came in and did some more check ups on me and said I could head home on August 9th. That just brought tears to my eyes. I did not care how I looked I was just so happy to be alive and well. I did have double vision and couldn't walk alone for very long. I was just so happy that I could move and remember. Sean and I were so excited to go home to our children, who were being watched and cared for by my sister Grace. When we called them they were pretty excited and anxious too.
I left the hospital on Wednesday, August 9th, 1995, and I was 31 years old. I made it! I beat that fear of not passing 30 years old. I had double vision and I could only walk with the help of my husband. I was always so tired and felt dehydrated. It's funny, but I was still fearing death at that time, because I was still on medication and my other aneurysm could rupture at any time.
It took me two months to have correct vision, and exercise myself to have the strength to manage to walk around all by myself. I have always been the type of person who wants to complete challenges and tasks on my own. I am so glad I did not lose that attitude. I had gone for a check up after 8 weeks of surgery. The doctor told me what I can't do and what I can. He also said I was recovering really well and that they would set the date for my next surgery! That made me fear my aneurysm even more. I learned how to accept it with the help of my family, my mother-in-law, and family doctor here in town.
In the days after both my first and second aneurysm surgeries, I learned so many things about the Bible from my mother-in-law. I actually learned how to read and understand the Bible. This is something special I would like to share with all of you readers. During my first couple of weeks of reading the Bible each day, I would wake up with a verse to read. I learned more about the people in the Bible than I would have any other way. I did not know there was a Hebrews section or a Corinthians in the book.
Two times this certain verse came to me. I could not understand it until the third time. It is a beautiful verse, Psalm 18. I invite you to read this verse. When you begin to read it you can picture me on the aircraft in all that pain, that near-death situation. When you read more of this verse, you can see the hailstones, thunder and lightning coming down. Then you can imagine that the Lord just came down to pick me up and bring me to safety. I love the verse. I have also been doing homilies for our Roman Catholic Church since my second surgery. I enjoy speaking about the Lord and his wonderful ways. I just wanted to share this with you all. Thank you.
Now to get back to my family doctor. He is a wonderful person. He is honest, truthful and outgoing. He told me to accept my fear and look forward to my recovery because it won't be as hard as my first. I made myself look forward to this surgery. Even though I was scared I had to do it.
I had always wanted to meet someone who had two surgeries on the brain, a woman and my age. I know that is a lot to ask for. I had not met any one like that. When I was being prepared for the operation they had a pre-operation session. The day before my second aneurysm surgery, all the patients who were going to have surgeries were sitting in a room and we introduced ourselves. The lady next to me was a year younger than me and had two brain surgeries, and was going in for surgery on her back. That was a prayer answered. She had suffered from brain tumors and is now doing well and not suffering from any. I was so happy to meet her.
I asked the doctor how long I would have to stay in the hospital this time. Thinking it would be about two weeks, he says, "You'll have your surgery on Thursday and you can probably leave Monday or Tuesday." I shook my head, sat up on the bed and said, "You can be honest with me now, I would just like to know the exact time I will be in here." He looked at me straight in to my eyes and said, "Camellia, I am honest with you, we know where the aneurysm is located and you aren't bleeding in the brain so it will be a better surgery than the last time." I just lay back down and said okay in disbelief.
The next morning I was at the hospital at 6:30am and prepared. I waited for about 4 hours before they brought me into the operating room. I was so glad when I met my doctor. He asked if I was ready; sure enough I said yes, gladly. I woke up the next morning, Friday, November 24, 1995 at about 6:30am. I rang for the nurse because I had to go to the bathroom. At that moment I realized what happened. I was calling her, I was alive, and I made it, again. The nurse came in and I asked her if I could go to the washroom and the date and time. She explained what they had done and how I shouldn't feel like going to the washroom. But I explained to her that I had to go. So she told me how to get up and helped me out of bed and walked me to the washroom. I made it there and back. I was so happy with myself. I fell asleep and woke up to my doctor talking to me. I shook his hand and said thanks to him several times. He explained the whole surgery and what they had done. Soon he told the nurses what could be taken off during the day, like the IV and catheter. I just couldn't believe it. Soon I wanted to walk back to the washroom, drink something and even sit up. I was so excited to let my family and friends know that I was okay.
My good friend, Donna, who came to be with me during her holidays, came in to see me around 11:00am. Here I was sitting up and talking; she was just as happy as I was. She asked the nurses if she could take me around the ward. They said as long as I rest and take it easy. That day, November 24 was my wedding anniversary. My friend called my home and asked to speak to my husband. I got on the phone and said "Happy Anniversary Dear!" He was just about speechless and couldn't believe I was on the phone already. There were all sorts of questions and excitement between us both. What a special moment. At that time I asked myself, "Why did these surgeries happen around my special days?" I still don't know.
I was on the road to recovery. In the hospital I tried so hard to do things on my own, by myself. I just kept on trying and thinking positive, I might be able to head home sooner than I thought.
In the hospital I met some very nice people. I remember there was a lady sitting beside her husband who had just had a ruptured aneurysm. She later asked me what had happened to me. I explained my aneurysm to her and that it was the second aneurysm surgery for me. I felt that I could give her a bit of support regarding the surgery and recovery time.
On my second aneurysm surgery, I left the hospital on Monday morning, 5 days after my surgery. My recovery went well. I spent a wonderful Christmas with all my family. Soon I was able to drive my own vehicle again. I am a happy survivor and treat each day with that challenge and appreciation. I continue to exercise and eat healthy. Even more so now than I did before. I have quit all caffeine products and I actually quit smoking, which I shall stress, that quitting both does make you feel better.
I often hear of how fortunate I am to be alive and well. I wholeheartedly agree with those who say that. I am happy that I can help or support others who are going through some of these experiences. I love meeting and talking with people wherever they are from. I can be of some help to people who are concerned about headaches, surgery or recovery. I am not the best but I can be of some assistance for any worriers, because I am one too. I am here and I have helped some people who are suffering like I was or who know someone special who has aneurysm, tumors, etc. If anyone would like some support in any way, I am here and would like to correspond with you.