I Have Lost My Essential "Self"
I am a married 63 yr old and have one son.We live in the UK and since my sah I have given up work which was part-time anyway. All my life I have been in the nursing profession and have always loved my job.
6 January 2004
On the 17th January 2003 I collapsed at home and was admitted to the local hospital. A scan showed that I had suffered a bleed into my brain and my family were told to expect the worst! I was transferred to a neuro-unit some miles away.
During all this I was deeply unconscious but came around enough to sign the consent form for a craniotomy and an aluminum clip which it was hoped would sort out the burst aneurysm in my brain which had been revealed by an angiogram.The operation was successful and no other aneurysms were seen.
The post op period was hard but after 5-6 weeks I made it home. I have recovered well and it is almost a year since the event but latterly I have become tearful and sad and am having flashbacks a lot!! I also feel angry that I have lost my essential "self". I still get head pains and feel fatigued if I exert myself but am only on the most minimal of mild analgesia. So all in all I have been very fortunate.
I have found this site to very helpful and wish good health to all. Love and prayers
Update: 07 Jan 2004
I would like to say thanks to all the lovely people who E-mailed me with their marvellous comments. I can't tell you what a boost your letters gave me and I'm so glad I found this site.
I am now on antidepressants and my family doctor is happy for me to see which suits my needs so I'm hoping I will feel better soon.
Love and prayers to all my new friends. xxxx
Update: 31 August 2004
Thanks for all the e-mails and all your support.
It is now 20 months since my clipping and I have to say I am doing OK. I was put on Amytriptiline 2 months ago and this has helped a lot with pain and sleep so I feel more energetic and able to cope. This is a good thing because my husband has a lung condition and needs me to look after him which I am only too pleased to do.I think its been said before but I think the drama of my illness overwhelmed him both physically and mentally.
I have started having weekly aromatherapy massages which I can really recommend as a stress beater.
Best wishes.
Update: 31 January 2005
On the whole life has been OK for my family and myself and I do feel that I am progressing well especially in terms of physical health. Mentally and emotionally I still have some way to go particularly in relation to memory, focus and the ability to burst into tears at sentimental things!! This is not how I was prior to my SAH but I believe the medical term is "emotionally labile"...its embarrassing!
I do get tired at times and have odd stabbing head pains from time to time but I feel that may be to do with nerve regeneration and I have very few headaches -- thankfully.
I am on 25mgs of Amitriptyline a night and Paracetemol for pain occasionally -- no other medication. My family doctor is very good but here in the UK we do not have much in the way of neuro follow-up unless there are major problems.
As I think I said before there is one outpatient appt with the neuro team and then discharge to the family doctor which considering the severity of the illness seems very low key.
Anyway if it wasn't for this site and all the wonderful support from the family I think life would have been much harder so thank you all.
With best wishes...
Update: 28 January 2006
Hi Everybody,
This is an update just after my third anniversary. On the whole I am doing well and managing a reasonable standard of life and am grateful that things have been OK.
As I said in my last update I have a very poorly husband whose physical health is not very good but thank God his memory and mental health is excellent----therefore we manage life between us!!
My short term memory is poor and emotionally I have highs and lows and also experience some "wobbly" days but I have a lovely family and good friends so consider myself very blessed ---- of course the aging process is also an important factor!!
I have had such help from this site and would like to express my thanks to all----God bless.
Discussion, comments, or questions: Helen Durnin
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