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11 December 2002
November 12, 1995. My day started like any other. I awoke with the usual headache, ( I had been seen by numerous Drs. and been given a variety of diagnoses from migraines, PMS, to an emotional disorder, a need for attention, one even said I was lying and had no pain!) Went about the daily routine and went off to work. Being close to the holidays the store was busy, the new district manager was in and we had words about the way he was treating the employees. It was getting stressful.
The headache was getting worse and I remember telling one of the girls I was going into the office for a while to settle myself down, have a cigarette and a cup of coffee. Shortly after one of our key holders, a girl named Cheri, came in, told me I looked bad and should go home. I had called a meeting for later in the evening to teach all the key holders a new credit card computer entry the company now required so I didn't want to leave. From that point on things get foggy.
I know I was in the bathroom vomiting, I remember my oldest son and his girlfriend (now my daughter-in-law) coming to pick me up. I remember him wanting to take me to the hospital and my refusing. I stepped out of the car once home, went inside and to my room to lay down. I remember getting up feeling nauseous and trying to maneuver into the bathroom, all the kids were home, sitting at the kitchen table. I made it to the bathroom and know I told the kids to get their dad, thats all I remember. The following is the story as it has been told to me.
I had vomited on myself so my husband helped me up and was guiding me to our bedroom. I had a seizure, he laid me down on the kitchen floor and told the kids to call 911 and then a friend of ours. The house quickly became a zoo, our friend Kathy lying on the floor next to me, so many police officers one was actually standing in the tub! Two ambulances outside, 4 police cars. (It was then that my sons girlfriend (now my daughter-in-law) realized our youngest boy, then 7, was seeing all of this, she took him into one of the bedrooms, closed the door and turned on the TV.) The highways were set up to ensure a non-stop ride to the hospital and off we went. The rest is easy to guess, a ruptured aneurysm. I was operated on and released from the hospital on November 19. It was a long haul for my family and I could probably write chapters on it but there were some things that stuck out.
I have been told I was a very difficult patient, throwing the nurse, ripping out the tubes, etc. I have no memory of any of it. The only memories I have of the hospital are my mom sitting next to me telling me I have to fight to go home and take care of my kids. And my roommate once out of ICU, a short, heavy set woman with dark hair and glasses who took me into the bathroom to have a cigarette with her!
Once home I still did not know my husband, my children, my sister. I recognized no one. I kept asking for my mom, I had no clue she had died in 1992. I insisted my husband show me a marriage certificate from the church before he could sleep in our bed!
My family has been through hell and I have learned many valuable lessons. I walked into a house filled with flowers, cards and baskets. The people of our small town had been wonderful. Through it all my children went to school, the teachers were wonderful, the school staff 100 percent supportive of them. My oldest son was in college, but decided to take the semester off to be home with me when everyone was at school and work. During my hospital stay the local police stopped at my house daily for updates, the mom's at the bus stop stayed with my youngest son until my daughters got there ( that few minutes really meant a lot to me when I found out). My best friend Margie stayed at the hospital from the time she was called until I was released and then stayed at the house with me for another week. Considering she lived about 45 minutes away, had a husband and 3 children herself ( one with Down's syndrome) I considered that to be remarkably selfless.
Friends cooked and made sure my family had food while I was in the hospital. They were even getting together planning thanksgiving dinner for my family if necessary. Neighbors I had said hello and goodbye to, just small talk, have become good friends. The one downside was a family I had considered good friends, we spent birthdays, holidays and so on together. They lived 3 doors away. They never acknowledged anything and to this day say hello and goodbye only! As if none of it occurred. I don't know the reason but I have come to accept it and move on.
This is a small town with a volunteer first aid - I have been told my life depended on their competence and they came through with flying colors.
I may not be the same person I was before, but I am here. I have grown to like who I am now and have accepted my limitations. My surgeon, Dr. Bruce Rosenblum, is one of the most gifted people on earth. Not only is he a skilled surgeon but he has a great personality, unbelievable, a surgeon with a sense of humor and compassion. When he was trying to talk me into getting a plate to replace part of my skull bone he had to remove he would tell me, "You know Donna, you shouldn't be walking around like this, people are going to talk after all you do have a hole in your head". A few months after the plate was put in I started to feel some discomfort, he sent me for a CT scan. The phone call from him is one I will never forget, something like, "OK Donna while you no longer have a hole in your head I have found another problem, you have a screw loose!" I couldn't help but laugh. A talented, skilled man who showed up at the hospital with his wife the night I was brought in. He in a tux, she in a gown. They had left an event so he could save me. INCREDIBLE !
During my recovery at home, I wasn't feeling well, being so mistrusting of doctors due to the previous encounters I called Dr. Rosenblum for a referral. He sent me to a wonderful man. Dr. Dan Xenachis. He turned out to be one of the best people I have ever had the privilege of knowing. He helped me through the various cold, flus,etc that came along. He encouraged me to keep going yet let me know it was OK to say I have had enough. He helped me realize that I could no longer be super mom, that I was fine being just me. He helped me get comfortable with the 'new me '. Unfortunately he is no longer practicing medicine. Last winter he was shoveling snow and unbelievably had a brain aneurysm that ruptured! I get updates from the staff when I go in, he's having a tough re-hab. If anyone out there can, please include him in your prayers. He was a very important part of my recovery, not only physically but emotionally as well.
Seven years later I still have headaches, my short term memory is almost non-existant, post it notes are a necessity and the numerous other little things that make life tough. But thats OK. Its a small price to pay for the life I have. In the past 7 years I have seen my oldest son graduate college, my 2 daughters graduate high school. My oldest son marry, my oldest daughter marry, the birth of 3 beautiful granddaughters. This June I will have the privilege of seeing my youngest son graduate from middle school. It is all worth it. No matter what comes, no matter what I deal with, being here to share the lives of my husband my children and now my grandchildren is the greatest reward I could have.
Update: 27 January 2006
It has been such a long time since I have had the chance to even think about updating. Life has been busy and quite overwhelming at times. The summer after my original narrative I experienced another cerebral hemmorage. Of course being me, it couldn't have been at a worst time. My sons 8th grade graduation party. All of a sudden I am sitting at the table having dinner and I felt lightheaded and dizzy. I had had a headache all day but thought it was just the stress of getting the party together. I asked a friend sitting with me to help me to the bathroom and have her husband distract my husband. Well that didn't work, as soon as he saw her guiding me he knew something was wrong.
The same exact symptoms occurred as with the first, I was vomiting and had horrible pain, they took me to the hospital and sure enough it was a cerebral hemmorage. The woman in the ER triage was new and tried to have me put in the waiting room to wait my turn, thankfully my children would have none of that and I was taken right in. What followed was a 2 week stay in the hospital, loss of memory and pretty much the same recovery as before. Well that was in 2003. I went faithfully every 6 months for my angio.
In 2004 the doctor saw something on the angio. He spoke with my neuro surgeon ( still Dr. Rosenblum) and they decided to do another procedure. It seemed the location of the original aneurism was bubbling up again so through the angio they went in and inserted more coils. That lasted for a while. Then after another angio( or arterio or whatever it is called. the tube through your groin) it was determined I had another problem, the doctors here in Jersey decided it would be best if I went to university hospital in New York. After driving 2 or 3 times for consultaions and tests I was given a procedure date. January 2005 I had another coiling done and on April 1st had a balloon inserted. All seems well. I went for my 6 month angio and MRI and so far so good.
Before the 2nd blow I was having a hard time, depressed and always in pain. Now I realize the depression was caused by the pain, and the pain was caused by the anuerism. My body was talking to me, but I didn't listen. Well, I could sit here and rehash all the terrible things that have occurred in the past 3 years or I could focus on the most impotant things in my life, my family. Well, thats easy. So ignoring all the problems the aneurisms have caused, both emotional and physical I will focus on the important things.
Since my first aneurism my youngest daughter has become engaged and will be married in March 2007. I have a new grandson, my eldest daughter and her husband just bought their first home. My eldest son and his wife are anxiously awaiting the building of theirs. My little guy, the baby, is now a junior in high school, he is studying electricity. He is driving !!! When I think back to the first anni he was only a baby, 7 years old. I am so grateful for the extra time that has been given me.
There have been some tough things also, my eldest daughters youngest little girl was diagnosed with mild autism, my oldest son's baby passed away shortly after his birth and my youngest daughter has been diagnosed with a pituitary tumor. I know that may all sound horrible but all I can think is "what if I wasn't here to help them through these things". Would dad be able to handle it. So now, I continue to live each day knowing I am blessed to have it.
Traveling back and forth to my daughter new house ( about 1/2 hr. away) whenever there is a doctors appointment, going with my youngest daughter to the neuro's and dr appts. Helping my son and his wife deal with their grief and encouraging them to have strength and watching my baby become a man. And through it all enjoying time with my husband of 31 years, who has stood next to me through it all. What more can any one person ask for???
Discussion, comments, or questions: Donna DiGrigorio
© Copyright 2002 Donna
DiGrigorio
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