I Will Love You Forever, Mom
19 January 2006
Hello, I would like to share mine and my families story about my mother and what she went thought with this awful illness.
One year ago my mom was having headaches, numbness in the face, and was tired all the time. She did not tell me right away but I knew something was wrong cause of things she was saying and she did not want to worry me. So I tricked her into telling me and I told her she had two choices she call the doctor or I call the doctor.
So she called the doctor and they set her for a CT scan. They called her and told her she had an aneurysm. They set her up an appointment with a neuro surgeon which told her she needed surgery right away. My mom freaked so he said I'll tell you what I'll do I'll send you to another doctor who does the coiling. Of he can coil it great if not come back and see me and we'll do the surgery.
So we went to the new doctor and he said he would not do anything at this point cause of the risks. He said he wanted to see her back in a year and he would keep and eye on it. He also said she could live another 9 years with it.
My mom quit her part-time job and was very cautious though the whole year of not doing anything to hurt it or to make it break. So the doctor that we where supposed to see had left that hospital and moved out of the area. So we where set up with a new doctor who ordered and MRI of the brain.
When he came in the room he said I totally disagree with everything the doctor told you last year. You have an aneurysm that is not good and it needs fixed. He told her everything about the surgery and told her it could not be coiled. He told her it was her decision but he thought it needed to be taken care of. He said go on vacation have a good time and call me when you get back and let me know what you want to do.
I think my mom worried about it all the time. Actually I know she did and she couldn't live with the question is today the day it would break. So my mom called the doctor when she got back from vacation and set up a family meeting. I dreaded that day cause it meant to me she was really gonna have it done. I did not want her to because she was my best friend and I was scared to death. So we went and they set up a surgery date December 13th. I remember saying God I hate that date.
That was in November so we had a month to talk about it and we did. She sat me down told me she laid her clothes out in case she didn't make it. That is what she wanted buried in. She wrote us all letters and I told her she needed to be strong so she could be there with me when my son graduated next year and she said she would try. But in the back of my mind I really did not think she was strong enough to survive this.
So we did lots of stuff together and the weekend before the surgery she came up and spent the night at my house. She did that all the time when my husband and son would go away and we had girls night watch movies and play scabble. The next day we got up and baked cookies and she said to me do you think I'm doing the right thing. I said I'll be honest I don't want you to have it done but I can not make that decision for you cause if I tell you not too or I tell you to and something happens to you I'll feel guilty. But I do not want you to have it done. She said I have to if I want to live longer and I want to live for you and frank(my son) and be here for you guys. I had a very special bond with my mother one that will never be filled.
She went to the hospital at 5:45 a.m. on the 13th of December and had the surgery. After two and a half hours the doctor called and said everything went fine and he did not expect any complications so I felt relieved. Well 6 hours later she was still in the recovery room and no answers so I kept checking with the girl at the desk. Finally she said we are gonna let one member of the family go up because she needs to stay in the recovery room over night. We want her daughter to go because we know how close you are.
So I went up and she was very sleepy but looked good there was not any swelling her completion looked better then it had in years I was happy. But she looked at me and said are you mad at me. I said am I mad at you my God no I love you. I think she ask me that cause I told her I did not want her to have it done. So I left and the next day she was still in recovery room and they said she would be there for another 24 hours. When I went up she was so confused she did not know who I was or who any of us was and she kept trying to get out of bed. It was just a nightmare. I couldn't take it so I visited very little that day. I stayed at the hospital but did not visit much.
The next day they moved her to a special care unit she still did not know me or anyone else. So I talked to the doctor and I said are you not concerned about this. He said yes I am very concerned. So I was in the room with my mom because she had went into a deep sleep and four other doctors came in. They said the blood is not flowing properly though the brain, she is producing to much urine. Her sodium level in her blood is to high and her pituitary gland has shut down. That is what tells you to eat drink sleep wake up almost everything. So they said they where gonna put her on medication that would help but it would be an hour to hour thing and that we should see a difference by the next day.
Well the next day same thing all she did was sleep. So we went home at 9:00 p.m. and hoping to see something tomarrow. But at 3:30 a.m. the phone rang and I was my moms contact person and the doctor on the other end says I've called to give you an update on you mom. I remember flying out of bed looking at the clock and thinking this can not be good. So he says your mom had a seizure at midnight, We just got done operating on her to remove a blood clot, and she had a stroke. She is now in the ICU on the breathing machine. This is a very serious set back and you need to get here when you can. So we got to the hospital and they talked to us and told us that she has a chance. They looked for her to be in the hospital a month, and then nursing home care which was fine with me as long as I had my mom.
So anyway the next day we where at the hospital all day and we went for dinner came back and I told my dad to go ahead back because I was gonna stay longer. Well about 10mins. my dad was back out and he said she is gonna be lucky to make it out of here. They have her back down doing a CT scan, they think she is bleeding again. She was but her blood was to thin so they could not do surgery again and they said she was having a seizure and they had to bring her out of it slowly and they gave plasma to try and thicken the blood.
So I stayed the night in the lounge and they had her back for a CT scan at 3:30 a.m. They came out and said the doctor would be out to talk to us around 5:30. So I called my dad and brother and they came to the hospital. Well no doctor so I called my work at 7a.m. and starting to go though family medical leave and my dad came out and said who are you talking to and I said my boss he said never mind they just told me she isn't gonna make it. I hung the phone up my world was coming to an end. The doctor never showed till 9a.m. and when he did they had us in the quit room and he bursts the door open and says howdy folks how are you this morning and I was just in shock and he sat down and he looked at me and said I believe I talked to you on Saturday morning and I said yes and he said theres nothing we can do for her. I ask the social worker if I could leave the room because I could not deal with his attitude.
So today is one month that I lost my mother, my best friend and my sister that I never had but I did in her. I miss her so much I truly don't know what to do. I have so many unanswered questions and I don't know how to get answers. All I know this was the nightmare of all nightmares. I just love her and want her back so bad but I know that is not possible.
Thank you for taking time to read my story I know it's long but I tried to get everything out. I will love you forever mom and you will never ever be forgotten!!!!!!!!
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